New TSA Security Measures

I have a solution to the new highly unpopular TSA gropings, er screening procedures, while I agree every measure must be taken to prevent sudden midair explosions, there are easier ways! The clear cut simple fix to the aforementioned junk grabbings is this:Fly Naked. By doing so a multitude of current airport issues could be solved:

1) Easy, quick passage through security...just squat , cough (jump thrice if extremely overweight) and proceed

2) Since muslims and most other terroristy religions forbid the sight of unclothed women, airports would thus become forbidden grounds as they could instantly and unwittingly send one to hell...thus eliminating the need for security all together

3) More nookie nookie (mile high club for all) less bomby bomby...this will also result in world peace as everyone will be too busy snogging to be bombing (instead of crappy snackpacks I suggest airlines pass out condoms...mixed nuts indeed)

4) Easy clean up of the passenger cabin...gone are the days of vacuuming a carpeted and cloth covered (read fart smell holding) seats, flying naked would mean plastic covered seats easy to hose floors...now upon passenger exit of said airbus, and simple solution of bleach and water can be sprayed over the cabin (those who would like may now disembark via the emergency (water) slide as an added bonus)

5) Plastic seats would make finding the token cabin farter easier...no more looking around for who ate the P.F Changs before departure...we all heard you...go on claim it

No longer would we have a First, Business or Coach class....nay, the new airlines will feature Hetro, Bi, or Homo sexual seating areas...all of course equal in size, legroom and seatbeds. No more window or aisle choices will have to be made, no one cares about the window here let's be honest...KY or Analease? Cum Fly the Friendly Skies!

Flex Your Rights

Regardless of the results on either side of this game called politics if you voted, you can at least stand up proudly and say "I was not among the apathetic, those who just laid down *ss up and took the fisting willingly"...

I Have The Power!!!!!!

Since the other day I was informed I had broken the internet, I decided to divide by zero...ya know...just to see what would happen....apologies for any ripples and or tremors alledgedly caused by skipping pebbles off outverses far far away.

I divided by zero causing the space time continuum to collapse so it is now Monday, unless it is Thursday in which case it is fexwenterday...the aforementioned collapse also caused the polarization of all black holes so alternate realities now participate on opposite day in rotating shifts in positive galaxies on the third Saturday half past noon in March if followed immediately by a full moon where the vector factor is equal to or greater than 453.

It Is What It Is

The world is full of apathetic people...frankly I just don't care.

Oh Uncle Sam!

‎"The oil classified as "evaporated", "captured" or "disbursed" is not necessarily gone" "The oil classified as "remaining" is not necessarily still present" -Gov't panel report on Gulf oil spill...so uh I just want to be clear here...millions of $ we don't have are being spent to tell us what we already know..."holy sh...eep sh*t...there's oil left!"

Dear Pres

Mr. President,
I am an American citizen with a few concerns:

You went to the world and apologized for what America has done in it's past, but I don't think you did a very good job of reminding the world of the good done by Americans. I am sorry sir, but I don't understand what history books you have been reading? Did you forget about the hundreds of thousands killed in WWI and WWII for the sake of others? Or how about the Korean war, or our attempts in the Vietnam war? How about our Billions upon Billions of dollars sent in foreign aid to other nations? WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU APOLOGIZING? Maybe you could reverse the role and speak about how much other nations have done to help America, wait, there would not be enough material for you to speak longer than 5 minutes.
You mentioned in one of your speeches that Americans should look to Europe as a leader and we as Americans should learn to be more like them. Which part are you referring to sir? The socialism part? Sorry, I have had family and friends live in Europe, they prefer America and our system, not theirs. As for France, correct me if I'm wrong, but if it wasn't for us they would be speaking German. Do they not remember us saving them TWICE in the past century? Or maybe you are wanting us to be more like those other countries that are having to cut back their entitlements right now and having riots in the streets because they move the retirement age from 60 to 62 because their citizens are addicted to entitlements.
I would like to briefly discuss the Constitution. First, would you please read it? I think you are greatly mistaken by what it means. Oh, and by the way, it is a living document only because you can make amendments to it when necessary. That does NOT mean you can interpret the parts that have been written as you see fit. We prefer the original intent thank you. Samual Adams.....you may or may not have heard of him since you obviously read different history books than I do, but, he was what we like to refer to as an American Founder. You see, he helped to write the Constitution of the United States. It's funny, he said the "Redistribution of Wealth" is Unconstitutional, but you sir say otherwise. Since he helped write the document, I think I prefer his interpretation to yours. I agree sir that everyone SHOULD get Health Insurance, but that does not give you the right to FORCE everyone to get Health Insurance. Just an FYI.
A word on you so called Cap and Trade. What in the world are you thinking when you say ""Under my plan of a cap and trade system, electricity rates would necessarily skyrocket."!??? I agree we can all do our little bit to help decrease pollution and recycle. I have no problem with that, but you taking things into your own hands and manipulating the markets to the point of causing our energy prices to skyrocket!? Oh, and IF Cap and Trade were to go into effect and IF it works exactly as your biased followers think it will, then average temperatures MIGHT decrease by 0.8 of a degree over the next century????Have you heard of the carbon cycle??? FYI, we are already at the pinnacle of it... Hmmmmm.....Decrease the temperature by 0.8 Degrees over the next 100 years, or callapse the US Economy by making, and I quote, "electricity rates would necessarily skyrocket". That vs. MAYBE having the temperatures on earth increase by 0.8 degrees over the next 100 years.....on average. I am willing to take the risk. Hey, maybe "Turning Back to God" is not such a bad idea....8/28.....if you don't know what I am talking about forget it.
Hypocrite. Hypocrite. Hypocrite. I think you get my drift.
I would like leader who wants what's best for everyone, not simply the Progressive Party. You see, I spend my summer reading up on the "Progressives". I read numerous speeches, essays, quotes, etc. of Progressive leaders from 1880-1945. I have a few questions, why do so many of them think the Constitution is no longer relevant? Why did Teddy Roosevelt, Woodrow Wilson, FDR, and Bill Clinton (yeah, progressive too, I know) say that Americans have too many rights and individual liberties? Why did they say that property rights need to be limited? Why did they preach that the Constitution was a horse-and-buggy system that we no longer needed? Why did they say that checks and balances are no longer needed in the government? Why did so many of them speak of eugenics and improving the American race through limiting population growth......especially amongst blacks?
As for the SDS (Students for a Democratic Society), you know, the ones who attacked police stations, the pentagon, public offices, university administrators in the 1960's. Why do you have so many people in your administration who were part of that organization. Interesting, Hillary Clinton had many friends from that same organization. Why??
Mr. President. Do you go to church? Not that you are required to, but just curious whether you feel that is important to you or not. Speaking of Church, how in the world did you sit through 20 years of listening to Rev. Wright? Is that who you got this Black Liberation Theology from? You seemed to distance yourself from Rev. Wright during your campaign, yet you now seem to practice everything he preached. Just a coincidence I guess.
Mr. President. I must say that I disagree with much of what you have done while in office and if you consider yourself in line with the Progressives of the early 20th century, then I will do everything I can to make sure that you are NOT successful in your attempts to push your "Progressive" agenda forward. Why? Because I like my freedoms, I would take George Washington or Thomas Jefferson as a leader over a "Progressive Leader" anyday, I don't agree with the government running every aspect of my life, I don't want a Nanny state, I don't need to government to take care of me. You see, I have family, friends, a church, neighbors, charitable organizations, and true charity to rely on here in America. The Government is the last place I would look for "charity". I believe in the checks and balances set up by our Founders to make sure that no ONE individual gets too much power, I think that is a good idea, don't you? I believe in EQUAL RIGHTS, not in the Government making sure that I have just as much as my neighbor even though he may sacrifice more and try harder than me. I believe in hard work, taking risks, and being rewarded, not sit and wait (for welfare checks). I believe in mercy and justice, and mercy can't rob justice. In your system of bail outs, you are robbing justice! A word on favoritism, STOP FAVORING THE UNIONS! That is exactly the problem with your "redistribution of wealth", it will always be a corrupt system in that politicians can distribute the wealth unequally and give to whom they choose. Please take note Robin Hood was a story, and Darwinism applies to the economy as well, survival of the fittest (read smartest)
Mr. President, I could go on for another hour or two writing about everything you have done or believe that I disagree with, but I will end with one more comment. I lose a little more respect for you every time I hear you speak. STOP PREACHING AND BEGIN LEADING. You could learn a thing or two by following the example of some of those great men in those paintings that hang all around you in that nice house of yours. Try following the example of those back in the latter end of the 1700's and the early 1800's, not the ones in the 20th century who have done a good job of corrupting our government and building a debt that we will most likely never get out of. Thank you.
Sincerely,
A 20 Something Concerned American

P.S. Don't dare think me a racist because I am disappointed in the leadership, I voted for you in '08.

Really????

Link will Load by clicking on Title of Blog...


Excuse me but what??? No, No they should not...if you want to get an ink and piss image drilled into you by a hairy guy named Butch using a staple, by all means go ahead...however effective immediately any infections sustained from your ignorance/show of prison bravado will no longer be paid for by taxpayers...carry on there SweetCheeks.

Really???

Excuse me but what??? No, No they should not...if you want to get an ink and piss image drilled into you by a hairy guy named Butch using a staple, by all means go ahead...however effective immediately any infections sustained from your ignorance/show of prison bravado will no longer be paid for by taxpayers...carry on there SweetCheeks.

New Updates to Websters Dictionary

Touron (adj): describing the act or state of being on vacation in a place other than your regular locale where in one loses all common sense and judgment. ex: That guy is Touron, driving his moped the wrong way down a one way street and screaming Aloha at 3am on a weeknight.


Polishiton: (n) A person who suckles at the tit of the mega rich, while taking a crap on the working citizen who lack the dollars to lobby for attention. ex: The House and Senate are full of Polishitons.

Wake Up and Smell the Gun Powder

Regardless of what your views are on Glenn Beck or any other newscaster, reporter, or Journalist it is time we as a generation WAKE UP!!!! This actually happened, UCSB (Universtiy of California st Santa Barbara). I have posted the link, cut and paste it into your browser to view the footage of David Horowitz, if the below reading is in anyway unbelievable or you can't stomach it.

http://www.glennbeck.com/content/articles/article/198/40711/


HOROWITZ: I have had this experience — I give you, I had this experience at UC Santa Barbara where there were —

GLENN: Stop for a second. Stop for a second. Do you understand what he just said to her? If you don't condemn, you support. Now, that's the only reason. She just admitted that in so many — you are asking me to condemn them. Well, yeah, you can condemn Hamas. Now, maybe there's five good people in Hamas that just want world peace. But generally with Hamas no, they don't want world peace. So you could say, well, there are a few good people in there but, yes, Hamas is an organization that was set up for the destruction of Israel. Now listen to what he says.

HOROWITZ: Members of the Muslim Students Association sitting right in a rows there and throughout my hour talk I kept asking them, will you condemn Hezbollah and Hamas and none of them would. And then when the question period came, the president of the Muslim Students Association was the first person to ask questions and I said, you know, before you start, will you condemn Hezbollah. And he said, well, that question is too complicated for a yes/no answer. So I said, okay, I'll put it to you this way. I'm a Jew. The head of Hezbollah has said that he hopes that we will gather in Israel so he doesn't have to hunt us down globally. For it or against it?

VOICE: For it.

HOROWITZ: Thank you.

Wake Up, smell the gun powder, this is how wars start! When you have any one grooup of people no matter how small who feel it is their God/Allah/I'm a Nut Job right to exterminate anyone off the face of this planet! There are people in this country and globally who feel this way about not just jews, but Americans as well. But we in out political correctness dare not offend them...No Way! It's because I am American that I respect you're right to believe however you want to believe, but please people don't delude yourselves that everyone in the world feels this way. Educate yourselves, pay attention, and make your voices heard.
We all have the right to Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness no matter what our beliefs are. And if you are one of these people who condone Holy Wars of any sort...Feel free to get the Hell Out!!

Politically Indifferent

It isn't often I get on my soapbox for or against political correct or incorrectness, but today I feel the need for a little house cleaning.
While the motives of the kids in California who got sent home from school for wearing the American flag to school on Cinco De Mayo are questionable, the real question is why should anyone care? I don't care what flag you wear on 4th of July, That's my holiday, and if you are not celebrating it I'm ok with that. In a time where everyone is walking around on eggshells for fear of offending someone with different beliefs, race, creed, or opinions I pose this question...Why??? American was founded on the right to express yourself as who you are without fear of being shunned, or exiled or even killed for it. So why are people making a big deal over the very thing that makes us a great nation, our individuality!!!!!! We have the unique situation in this country of being united over our differences!! Wake up people, if you have an opinion so does everyone else, they may not be the same as yours, but that doesn't make them wrong. If we all thought alike or were forced to think alike that is oppression,and really do we want that???
I speak as a female, a veteran, and someone who likes having the right to have my own damn opinion! Why are comparing ourselves to other nations and saying we need to be like them? Hell no! We need to stop being petty and picking apart our friends, neighbors and humanity, live and let live!
I will leave with this, as a veteran I took an oath to defend this country and all the rights we hold dear( including the right to think differently and express yourself without fear). Before you open you mouth to start a race/holy/sexuality/I'm right just because war....Do you enjoy having your opinion? Would you die for the right to have it? If you answered yes, congratulations You Are An American!
Good now that we have some common ground....Live and Let Live, Love and Be Loved.

Honu

Honu while snorkeling. I am inspired by all things nauture, and was able to swim with this guy for almost 30 minutes while he ate and cruised around the reef.

Notes from Self

Dear Me & I,

In reference to your request for 2 or less gym related activities daily...please note that corporate sponsored snacking and potlucks nullify the agreement. We will be working this off later.

Regards,

Self

Note to Self

Dear Self,

While we appreciate your motivations, perhaps the Zumba, Ultimate Abs, Treadmill and Weights, were in fact a bit to much last night. In the future, please limit your improvements to 2 or less activities at the gym per night.

Thanks,

Me & I

Daily Insanity Report

Today, I would like to thank the federal government for funding lifesaving genetic modification research, I am glad to see that with a deficit of 13 billion dollars(that's 11 zeros) our priorities are in order...we have modified puppies! Thank God, because I thought I wouldn't live to see the day when household pets are... able (brace yourself) to GLOW(under UV light). Huge relief.

S.P.A.M.

Due to overwhelming response , January will now be Stupid People Awareness Month (SPAM), hug those in your life with an acute sense for the blatantly obvious...if you get alot of hugs, Congratulations, you are special and people ARE aware of you and will now make accomidations for you. Good Job, go lick some windows and don't forget your helmet.

Cheese with my wine, please

oh the self induced pain i inflict on myself. 3,yes,3 bottles of wine consumed by one person in one evening is in fact excessive.

how do i know this....i tragically fell victim to my own uberindulgence last evening.wine is a sneaky little devil waiting patiently to creep up on you when you least expect it. it all started innocently enough, a glass or four while i cleaned my house. then i thought(mistake numero uno...thinking) it's a lovely evening to sit on my lanai, have another glass or four as the case may be. then my grandmother called, not the i mind this, i actually enjoy talking to her. however, the call spawned the opening of yet another bottle, and another glass or four.

now, the wine is beginning it's well planned sneak attack, and i am beginning drunken genius thought process, which for me fortunatly( for others as well as myself) involves really only one thing.JUUUUNNNKK FOOOOOOD!(yes as a matter of fact my internal monologue does remarkably similar to the ghost of christmas past) it was then i began my trek to 7-11 to aquire the one thing that could make the night better...skittles(mmmm,chewy rainbow goodness) apparently at some point on my quest for the holy grail of candies i injured my self. not really sure how, as i don't remember feeling any pain, but i do in fact have a booboo on my shin.( this booboo is also a sneaky little bastard, it like the wine crept up on me. i did't feel it until i was draging my aching carcass out of bed this morning and laid eyes on it.) i proceeded to go home and whack myself in the head with the wall. not on purpose i assure you. nay-nay this wall came out of nowhere as i was attempting to enter the bathroom. i now have a bump on my head and have spent the morning apologizing to my liver, and pleading with my stomach to settle down. blargh, ick, and other moans of malaise.

License to Bark?

why the hell do i need to get my dog a license???? i just recieved notification for the city&county of honolulu that nalu's dog license is about to expire and i must send them $10 in order to renew it.

so, here's my question, what does this "license" give him license to do exactly? bark? fetch toys? chew furniture? shed? given the definition of license to give permission or ability , i ask you dog license? is the city & county of honolulu giving nalu permission to be a dog? does he need to take a test the way i do in order to get a driver's license? let's see, sniff butts: check, drool: check, shed all over: check, pant: check.

let's say i buck the system and decide to be a rebel and not renew his license, will he still be a dog? will he now get fined for wagging his tail, and chewing bones? will he have to slick and sneaky each time he goes outside so the man doesn't catch him in the act of dogging without a license.... will he even know he isn't a dog anymore? should i tell him. i fear the news could damage the lil guy.but i suppose i will go, and hand over the mandated $10 bucks, so we can continue living our blissful lives and nalu will never have to know how close he actually came to losing his doggness.

WMD

upon careful observance over the last few days, and reconsideration i have in fact decided to sell my dog to the u.s.army as the next great weapon of mass destruction.....potential iraqi neuclear weapons...ppffffttt, nothing on these teeth wrapped in fur.
it all started when the airforce thunderbirds decided 500 feet above my house was a great place to practice barrel rolls, ah, did i mention that 730 AM is the best possible time for this as well. well, my fearless fleabag was at first confused and even a bit curious at these winged monstrosities flying about our usually peaceful skys. however by about the third pass, and the incessant shaking of the bed, walls...house, he was a bit miffed by their roaring presence and decided to take matters into his own paws and tell them how he really felt. 10 minuted of horrific growling and fearsome barking, he succeded in scaring off the silver dragons.
it was then the idea of his super power struck me...if this dog can destroy lives and houses, well just imagine what he could do to foreign countries....reduced to mere rubble overnight. why we could pull the troops out tomorrow, just leave destructive wonder dog to the job. the shock and awe campaign has nothing on this hound of hell, eat your heart out republicans!
for now however, i will settle for reducing those damn jets to schrapnel, at least until 411 gives me the direct line to george "that's what the W stands for"bush.....although nalu goes to washington is sounding more and more interesting with each and every gas price hike.
"Nalu top secret weapon of mass destruction reporting for duty sir"

Style?

has anyone been clothes shopping lately?? what the hell are the designers thinking...i seem to have missed the quit eating memo. why was i not informed that in order to have any nice clothes this season i was goin to need to become a strict anorexic, or i suppose at the very least a fan of praying to its holiness the porceline god. when have sizes changed so much? how many size negative 0 people are there out there...give them a sandwich for craps sake! i'm trying to find a dress not my way into the nearest bottle of prozac because i can't get my pinkie in the damn sleeve!
what happened to a womans curves?and i thought we were the softer sex, good lord ;am i the only freak here with hips and breasts?i think i am in good shape, i work out regularly, make an honest effort to eat right(back to the memo again) and am by no means overweight, and yet i try dress after dress and am damn near suicidal by the endof the day.doctors and designers need to get together and make clothes for the real world...if the average womans size is 12-14, then why are clothes made to look good on size 4-6???? if young girls are developing eating disorders at "alarming" rates, why are the stores catering to pencil thin waifish manequins on which to hang their clothes. and now that i am on this rant and rave let's get into the other side of the story...let's talk "empire waists and forgiving flares"....it seems to me they only manage to make a person look larger than life! looking pregnant is not an issue...IF YOU ACTUALLY ARE! i on the other hand do not wish to look in the near birthing stages anytime soon, and would appreciate if i could find a dress that respected that. and really, did you mean to place that gynormous pocket right at exactly the point where my hips are the widest? what is that some idea of a joke? i thought bootylicious was a good thing, what happened to i like big butts, and baby got back? i got back and front and these are the very things preventing me form buying clothes! i should be embracing my self and all that crap but how can i when i can't get the sleeves of haute couture around my size 8-10 hips?

it's time...i am changing my dogs name to "lucifer, hound of hell". it's very official sounding i feel. is your life dull? are you in need of new surroundings? do you feel the need for terror and destruction? call luicfer, in days your home will be trashed, you will have an overwhelming need for new furniture, and you will now suffer a panic attack each and every time you must leave your home.let's start from the beginning.... i had to leave behind a great dog in va when i moved to hawaii due to his age, the required quarantine, and the insanely long journey to get here. his worst quality was trying to carpet my hard wood floors with his own fur, a personal sacrifice on his part as i see it.

well, after a few months here i got the "hankerin" for some furry companionship.i had the need for slobbery kisses and squeaky toys galore.wade tried hard to fill the void, but lets face it, as you know he's not very furry(hello bald), only drools in his drunken sleeps, and detests squeaky toys. so off we trotted to the local pound, and there was a tiny 7 week old ball of fur with a tail, milky brown eyes, and big feet.i was instasmitten, and we named him nalu.

fast forward 5 months...my perfect pup is a monster dressed as a dog. the running tally of things lost to his jaws and paws include:1 new bed(mattress AND box spring),1 i-pod, set of stereo equipment, 5 video games and 2 controllers, 1 shower curtain, 1 door, 1 WHOLE room of carpet, countless photographs and other easily shreddable paper stuffs, 3 pairs of oakely sunglasses,2 cell phones, 2 peoples sanity, oh and the partridge in the fuckin pear tree. our trainer says he suffers from separation anxiety. oh he will get used to it says she, or grow out of it...meanwhile when i come home nowadays, if the walls are still standing i am in fact pleasantly surprised.in my opinion, he has of course become possessed by satan himself, and i'm thinking of contacting the catholic church and beseeching them for an exorcism.my sanity is gone, my zest for life no more, this 50 pound animal has broken my soul....fuck you peta.

a toast to losing your mind, and all the little narsisctic thoughts that make us crazy, a neverending saga of what if's, who did's or didn'ts, whys and just don't give a damns, to considering possibilities and proababilities of just going with the flow, can't get off the shore or headed up the perveribial creek without the oh so crucial paddle, to the morals, fundamentals, mostly fuck it alls and the mess left behind, like the christ not the christians, to the contemplations of an empty mind why all the more room to grow, staring at the beginning of the end, one day one month one year turning into the next right before dumbfounded eyes, nobody wants to die but everybody wants to go to heaven.

A Lesson in Irony

As I was driving past the Capitol in Washington D.C., I was struck by a chain link fence surrounding the area...A symbol of democracy and freedom neatly enclosed by gates and metal...one section pulled downward...someone/some ideal trying to get in or out?

The start

The start to a long awaited photo junkie's journeys from the eastern seaboard to paradise captured one day, one moment, one second...saved for a lifetime.