Attention: Your Dog Is Trying To Kill You

A dastardly plot has been uncovered in recent weeks. Our best friends wearing fur are actively engaging in bio terrorism to aid in our untimely demise.
Why? So they can eat our feet or something, obviously. Their reasons are unimportant, the fact remains your dog is trying to kill you by silent asphyxiation.

It all starts off serenely, innocently, a perfect situation. You are sitting on your couch blissfully reading a good book passing the afternoon away.
(You'd go outside, but it's surprise deluge week...it's sunny and warm...Holy Norsemen! The sky is falling! Run for your lives, seek shelter...oh wait, nevermind, it's sunny again...Ahhhh build an ark you fools!!!!) So anyhow, there you are peacefully sipping a carbonated lemon water, your canine companion napping sweetly at your feet. He stretches, yawns, plots your death...
you scratch his ears, smile, remain unaware that in mere seconds you will be involved in an epic struggle for your very survival.

*sniff* Hmmm, a slightly foul odor begins to invade your olfactory sensors. *sniff,sniff,GAG* It's like rotting corpses boiled with cabbage served on a skunk with fetid cheeses!
Your eyes begin to water, you gasp to no avail, the oxygen levels in your bloodstream drop to critical levels, your entire life begins to be played on the projector in your mind (even that one time you'd rather forget about, and would have too if you weren't about to expire). At this point the will to live takes over your flaccid limbs and you stagger/crawl/ooze to the nearest window or door. If you can just get one breath of sweet, sweet air. The room is now spinning, you are fading in and out of consciousness, your vision is failing...and what is the last sight your mostly dead eyes behold???? Your dog, bestest of buddies, confidant extraordinaire, the creature you love like a child begins to wag his tail fanning the noxious fumes in your general direction!







If you are reading this then you have managed to survive the assault, good job. You however, are now aware of potential for attacks from the retched rear of your darling mongrel. There is but one recourse. You must find and feast upon the spiciest, greasiest, most bean filled bowl(s)of chili you can find. Retaliation shall be swift and painful,but it is necessary to reestablish your dominance over the horrible hound.
Good luck, God speed...