Hipster's Paradise

As I walk through the valley lookin like I smoke meth
I take a look at my balls and realize they done left
Cuz I've been tryna prove for so long that
Zima didn't make my moms eggs go wrong
But I ain't never scoffed at music that didn't deserve it
And I've never listened to a band that you woulda heard of
You better pay attention how I dress,how I speak
Or you an your vanilla crew might be seen me tweak
I really hate to sneer but I gotta yo
As I roll my eyes I see myself in the hookah smoke, TOOL
I'm the kinda cool that ya know you wanna be like
In the coffee shop late at night readin poetry in the dim light




Been spendin most their lives livin in the Hipsters Paradise
Been spendin most their lives livin in the Hipsters Paradise
I'll keep spendin all my life livin in the Hipsters Paradise
I'll keep spendin all my life livin in the Hipsters Paradise




This regular situation that I be facin
I can't live a normal life, don't you read my tweets??
So I gotta look down on the mainstream
Too much Pabst Blue Ribbon drinkin got me chasin dreams
I'm so educated and cool with nonconformity on my mind
Got my ten speed for a ride and big shades on my eyes
I'm a doppelganger set on bein obscure
And all my friends dress like me, wearin vintage coture TOOL
Death ain't nothin but a bitchslap away
I'm smokin unfiltered eurocigs now what can I say
I've got 3% body fat now will I make it down to 2
The way my pants are fittin my genitals are blue

Tell me why do you wanna label me
I'm to rad to care why can't you see


Been spendin most their lives livin in the Hipsters Paradise
Been spendin most their lives livin in the Hipsters Paradise
I'll keep spendin all my life livin in the Hipsters Paradise
I'll keep spendin all my life livin in the Hipsters Paradise





Sweater over plaid shirt, plaid shirt under sweater
Cynical not sarcastic, my skinny jeans are fantastic
Everybody's stunnin, but half them lookin chronic
I cut my hair like Justin Bieber cuz I think I'm ironic
They say that I'm aloof, but I know no one gets me
If they can define me how awesome can I really be??

Oh God they can
Oh shit they will
I guess I suck
That's why I know my life is lame as fuck...TOOL

What I really Want to See This Saturday

So not sure if you are football fans, I am sorta kinda (ok let's be honest, I just like the "excuse" drink heavily and eat fried spicy foods and yell at the TV..the same reaction can (has also been known to) occur whilst watching episodes of House Hunters, but clearly that is not the point) however it occurred to me while procrastinating awakening due to ensuing monsoon outside, what we have here is a rare opportunity. We have (alleged) committer of homicide Ray Lewis on the same field as (alleged) raper (such a harsh word...surprise sexer?) Ben Rothlisburger(sp?)...now this my friends gives way to the scene taking place in my head. Remember the old Liz Taylor commercial..the one where she gives away her diamond earring all shot in black & white(
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjVfu8-Wp6s).... Enter O.J. Simpson...walking on the field just before the coin toss...handing Ray & Ben one Isotoner glove each uttering "these have always brought me luck" ...meanwhile Farve & Vick look on from the sidelines with a hint of tears glistening from their eyes...
Now, it occurs to me that perhaps Liz and O.J. could elope during halftime..thus allowing 2 things to happen: 1) old Lizzie could complete marriage as in the sense of "til death do us part" and 2) A new trial for the Juice. It was however brought to my attention that such events and solving of age old enigmas and tying of ancient loose ends could have dire consequences on the world as we know it. So, I did the research, consulted a few oracles, a psychic from Long Island, and took a bit of Peyote and the following is what would happen:
Aids will be cured, Tupac will be found alive in the Amish Country of Pennsylvania, PC & Mac will merge, all left socks previously thought lost in the dryer will be found in a sinkhole outside Utah,and world hunger will be cured. On the downside, Justin Bieber will run for president and win. I think we all can agree, sorry Magic Johnson, Aids is better than Bieber.

New TSA Security Measures

I have a solution to the new highly unpopular TSA gropings, er screening procedures, while I agree every measure must be taken to prevent sudden midair explosions, there are easier ways! The clear cut simple fix to the aforementioned junk grabbings is this:Fly Naked. By doing so a multitude of current airport issues could be solved:

1) Easy, quick passage through security...just squat , cough (jump thrice if extremely overweight) and proceed

2) Since muslims and most other terroristy religions forbid the sight of unclothed women, airports would thus become forbidden grounds as they could instantly and unwittingly send one to hell...thus eliminating the need for security all together

3) More nookie nookie (mile high club for all) less bomby bomby...this will also result in world peace as everyone will be too busy snogging to be bombing (instead of crappy snackpacks I suggest airlines pass out condoms...mixed nuts indeed)

4) Easy clean up of the passenger cabin...gone are the days of vacuuming a carpeted and cloth covered (read fart smell holding) seats, flying naked would mean plastic covered seats easy to hose floors...now upon passenger exit of said airbus, and simple solution of bleach and water can be sprayed over the cabin (those who would like may now disembark via the emergency (water) slide as an added bonus)

5) Plastic seats would make finding the token cabin farter easier...no more looking around for who ate the P.F Changs before departure...we all heard you...go on claim it

No longer would we have a First, Business or Coach class....nay, the new airlines will feature Hetro, Bi, or Homo sexual seating areas...all of course equal in size, legroom and seatbeds. No more window or aisle choices will have to be made, no one cares about the window here let's be honest...KY or Analease? Cum Fly the Friendly Skies!

Flex Your Rights

Regardless of the results on either side of this game called politics if you voted, you can at least stand up proudly and say "I was not among the apathetic, those who just laid down *ss up and took the fisting willingly"...

I Have The Power!!!!!!

Since the other day I was informed I had broken the internet, I decided to divide by zero...ya know...just to see what would happen....apologies for any ripples and or tremors alledgedly caused by skipping pebbles off outverses far far away.

I divided by zero causing the space time continuum to collapse so it is now Monday, unless it is Thursday in which case it is fexwenterday...the aforementioned collapse also caused the polarization of all black holes so alternate realities now participate on opposite day in rotating shifts in positive galaxies on the third Saturday half past noon in March if followed immediately by a full moon where the vector factor is equal to or greater than 453.

It Is What It Is

The world is full of apathetic people...frankly I just don't care.

Oh Uncle Sam!

‎"The oil classified as "evaporated", "captured" or "disbursed" is not necessarily gone" "The oil classified as "remaining" is not necessarily still present" -Gov't panel report on Gulf oil spill...so uh I just want to be clear here...millions of $ we don't have are being spent to tell us what we already know..."holy sh...eep sh*t...there's oil left!"